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Howdy. And welcome back to SVR. We’ve recently offered up some of the greatest videos in music history (part 1, part 2, part 3), and today, in the interest of fair and balanced coverage, we felt a hateful need to ruin your Saturday morning by inflicting an ethical obligation to present some of the worst music videos in history. So, let’s get it on, shall we?
First, what in the world would possess Deathtöngue to record a song with these lyrics? “Middle of the road, man it stanks! Let’s run over Lionel Richie with a tank!” Hmmm. Maybe it would be this 1984 video where an “acting teacher” stalks a blind chick.
Speaking of the thespian arts, not only is Milli Vanilli not singing, they’re not acting, too!
This is Jan Terri, and there’s so much going wrong here it’s hard to know where to start.
I see some members of the audience are on the floor trying to claw their eyeballs out, so let’s wrap this up with the one, the only, David Hasselhoff. Sweet fancy Jesus, there ought to be a five-day waiting period for the purchase of a video camera….
If you’re a member of a religion that sees suffering as a key to spiritual salvation - which is most of them, actually - and you sat through all of this, console yourself with the knowledge that you’re now several steps closer to Heaven/Nirvana/Paradise/Mickey’s Roadhouse.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, if you can.
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I have a high tolerance for pain when it comes to music, but even I couldn’t sit through more than a minute of any one of these videos.