I happened to be in the States for 9/11, and i’m fairly sure that it affected me differently than it did most Americans. For me, it watched like a slick Hollywood adaptation of a low-budget foreign film that i had seen previously. I lived in Russia during Putin’s rise…a rise that came quickly on the heels of “terrorist” attacks in Moscow. There was no investigation; a clamor for war arose from the halls of power; and what was a fledgling democracy turned rather authoritarian over the course of a few short weeks. (I put “terrorist” in quotes because the idea that the FSB was behind the attacks had traction with Russians immediately; furthermore, the lack of forensic investigation led to similar, Western conjecture.)

From then on, my friends and i had to run interference for the wife of one of those friends…because she was Georgian and dark-skinned. The pimply faced soldiers prowling the streets were on the lookout for anyone who might be a “terrorist”.

The few Americans that i knew wailed loudly about the new abrogations of their human rights (checkpoints, document check sweeps, etc.). I was simply thankful that such behavior didn’t happen at home.

For me, the real tragedy of 9/11 was watching the militarized response all over America in the aftermath. I realized that the home i had been proud of was gone, replaced with the kind of behavior that my compatriots had decried so loudly. The flag draped remembrances of the date feel more like the way a widow celebrates the deathdate of her husband than anything else. I am not patriotic enough.

I’m not a New Yorker and can’t imagine what this would be like for me if I were. Maybe something like Columbine times a million. But I don’t have to be a New Yorker to empathize with your outrage at how 9/11 was commandeered and turned to uses that have been even more tragic than the attack itself.