Massive calculus and physics hoax exposed

Posted on November 23, 2009 by under Environment & Nature, Science & Technology [ Comments: 10 ]

Oh dear: Newtongate: the final nail in the coffin of Renaissance and Enlightenment ‘thinking’

It’s now clear that “Sir” Isaac Newton and a series of co-conspirators were guilty of several crimes against science, including:

  • Conspiring to avoid public scrutiny
  • Insulting dissenting scientists and equating them with holocaust deniers
  • Manipulation of evidence
  • Knowingly publishing scientific fraud
  • Suppression of evidence
  • Abusing the peer review system
  • Insulting their critics

As this analysis makes clear:

If you own any shares in companies that produce reflecting telescopes, use differential and integral calculus, or rely on the laws of motion, I should start dumping them NOW.

We’ll keep you posted on this breaking story…


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9 Comments

  1. Ubertramp, November 23, 2009 at 12:56 pm :

    I always knew calculus was a sham. Anything that involves that many variables and imaginary numbers MUST be fake.


  2. leTerrassier, November 23, 2009 at 3:04 pm :

    ~50% of Americans (99%+ of ‘real Americans’): “I don’t understand this ‘science’ thing, so must be a scam! I wonder what that friendly Nigerian prince who’s been emailing me has to say about this?”


  3. JS OBrien, November 23, 2009 at 5:00 pm :

    Yeah, and I’ll be they all scored “Ts” on their OWLS, too!


  4. jeff watson, November 23, 2009 at 6:24 pm :

    Actually, Leibniz, Cauchy and Weierstrass would agree with you…..


  5. Jim Booth, November 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm :

    In related news, did you hear they found Gallileo’s fingers in a jar?

    Oh, and I walked out of calculus on the third day of class. When the professor asked me where I was going, I just looked around and said, “These are not my people.”

    That’s all I’ve got.


  6. Ubertramp, November 23, 2009 at 7:33 pm :

    Jeff, I think that’s part of the joke. :) Look up a book called Quicksilver by Stephenson. It’s kinda sorta in a roundabout way vaguely about this whole thing. Sorta.


  7. Tom Shortell, November 23, 2009 at 9:33 pm :

    Even with this scandal, I have to tip my cap to Newton. I mean, he lived, what, 300 years before the Holocaust? To be able to compare his detractors to Holocaust deniers BEFORE it even took place is eerie. It’s almost as if…as if HE WAS IN ON IT!!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

    And as for imaginary numbers, this is the most I learned of them.
    http://summa.physik.hu-berlin.de/~felix/calvin-hobbes.gif


  8. Norman Buchbinder, November 25, 2009 at 2:55 am :

  9. Ted, November 27, 2009 at 2:18 pm :

    Newton published his equations. Where are CRUs?


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