I live in a pleasant little place. Forgotten or unknown, perhaps…after all, the rest of you have a nasty habit of leaving us off the map…but as pleasant as you’ll ever find. In many ways, i’m ok with being left off the map if it means things like Walgreen’s not finding us until last year. So i never imagined that my little corner of the world would be a topic of national, political conversation. But there it is and here we are. All because my Democratic Representative has made a name for himself after just 18 years in Congress. So now many of you have decided that it’s in our best interest that you involve yourself in our local politics. What, did you follow Walgreen’s?

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There are some walls that you wish could talk, and others that make you want to gouge your own eyes out with a rusty spoon you found in a puddle of some unknown, viscous substance underneath a dumpster. But at least we know why Rush Limbaugh feels the need to get his nod on. Only opiates could make the condo he’s listing for $13,950,000 tolerable. Way to go conservative America, your listening has produced a drug addled misanthrope with a Louis XVI fetish.

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GOP Sen. Kyl: Unemployment Benefits Make People Not Want To Get A Job

You can always count on the HuffPo for a sensational headline, whether the actual story backs it up or not. But in this case they have quotes: “In fact, if anything, continuing to pay people unemployment compensation is a disincentive for them to seek new work,” said Sen. Kyl after stumbling across the obvious by noting that unemployment insurance doesn’t create new jobs. Genius. No wonder this guy makes at least $174,000/year with pension and benefits. It’s not as if Sen. Kyl’s honorable [sic] colleagues on the other side of the aisle are actually interested in earning their $174,000/year working for the benefit of the public either. And the worst part is that all across America people are reading that headline and shaking their head in the affirmative. The lazy and degenerate moochers sucking the hard workers dry.

Look out, bitches, you don’t know what the bottom looks like because you believe that if you don’t open you’re eyes it isn’t there. But you’ll find out…
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After the poetic rhetoric in Prague, it was tempting to think that Obama might be headed in the right direction on at least one issue. I’d be willing to forgive just about all of his sins were he to get significant movement in reducing America’s nuclear arsenal. START has been technically defunct since December and negotiations between the US and Russia are ongoing. But the same stupidity that derailed the last great attempt at nuclear disarmament has returned. Gibbs says that Medvedev didn’t mention a problem last time he and Obama talked. An anonymous source involved in the process adds that, “Gibbs also had a friend of Obama’s who’s in the same gym class as Medvedev’s best friend ask about it, and apparently the note that Obama’s friend got later in math class didn’t say anything about it either.” So maybe it’s, like, ok.

But that’s not what Chief of Staff Generals and Deputy Prime Ministers in Russa are saying.

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With two questions already asked, we might as well get to some answers. And both questions are good ones. But before we do, we’ll start with the unavoidable fact that gardening is always experimental. The variables from year-to-year and even yard-to-yard are great enough that there’s no such thing as a guarantee. That might turn some people off, but it’s the greatest attraction for me. What could be better than a field wherein a lifetime of learning only scratches the surface and there’s always more to know and try?

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Those of you living in the South may already be at full speed in putting your garden out, but with D.C. predicting 20 inches of snow (which apparently requires apocalypse level preparation) and the still non-robotic groundhog predicting six more weeks of winter, most of us are in the seed catalog browsing stage of gardening. Soon enough – we hope – the ground will be workable; the sun will start turning necks red; and photosynthetic life will spring forth to please and nourish gardeners.

We here at Scholars and Rogues would like to know what plans you have, and we are offering a new service. Send us gardening questions and we’ll answer them.

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Oh god, if this is what The Economist is going to pass off as informed debate then letting my subscription lapse was an incredibly wise financial and emotional decision. I have to wonder if people like Boaz and Kamarck get their jobs because of or in spite of inane, ideological drivel? Obama is a failure – and he’s a huge failure – because he’s working within the frame established by asshats like these two.
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I don’t understand my country. None of its political labels make a damn bit of sense. Too many of them are outright falsehoods. And at least a couple have been maligned by so much propaganda that they may not be salvageable. “Liberal” is one. The word itself has become weaponized to the point where even liberals often eschew it in favor of “progressive”. I’m still not sure what that even means. Progress is cool, i suppose, but requires direction and a destination. And then there’s that pesky Zeno and his paradox: is progress even possible for a monkey with fancy thumbs? “Libertarian” is pretty bad these days too. Far too often the word is invoked as a dog whistle for social Darwinism and neo-liberalism. Liberty being best wholly described by “free” markets and possibly gun ownership. “Conservative” is the biggest laugh. Aside from conserving fetuses and the holy sanctity of heterosexuality (airport bathrooms and male prostitutes being the acceptable exceptions), i’m still at a loss for how these people got or retain the label.

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So now that we have the domestic drama of “Kennedy’s seat” being lost and the Democratic Party proving that it’s brazenly incompetent and disastrously out of touch, the earthquake in Haiti can be moved below the fold. But before one of Bill Clinton’s friends gets a big wad of “aid” money to build new sweatshops in Haiti, there are a few things we should talk about.

Not only were we treated to the historically inaccurate (and frankly bat-shit insane) sweet nothings that Pat Robertson’s Warrior Jesus whispers in his ear. We’ve also had the good, Dr. Wesley Stafford – CEO and President of an organization called Compassion International – agree with Pat’s thesis. Theoretically, Dr. Stafford knows of what he speaks; his organization is very active in Haiti. It pairs tens of thousands of Haitian children with direct sponsors in the U.S. and is active throughout the nation.* On a recent Focus on the Family appearance, Dr. Stafford said, “Haiti … has been a disaster in almost every way long before this ever struck. And it is a nation, between you and me, I guess, that Satan has had absolutely free reign in that nation…”

Count me convinced, and we’ll get to David Brooks a little later on.
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My friend Dawn wrote a post worthy of a Sunday; please read it:

On Considering Compassion

Well, as one who can dish out vitriol with the best of them, i can feel a finger pointed at me. I also know better…which obviously doesn’t mean that i act better.

I’m familiar with the Bodhisattva’s vow: self-sacrifice for the sake of compassion towards all living things, to practice until every blade of grass attains enlightenment. (i differ with it there, the grass is already enlightened)

The fear-anger-hatred continuum is the strongest metaphysical force in the universe because it is easy; it does not take self control. It’s dangerous because it is easy and because it is self replicating and communicable.

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Did anyone expect this Obama character to be such a card? I seem to remember speeches and quips about judgment and its importance in leadership. No quibbles about that, it’s true and i would take a man of good judgment over one of ossified, bureaucratic experience in most cases but especially situations of threat or upheaval. As an American, i should be well-trained in this game; i’ve eaten enough Big Macs to know that they look nothing like the advertising picture used to entice me. Lukewarm, grey “meat.” Ah yes, move over Big Dog, Big Mac is running the show now.

I think that i’m supposed to be comforted by his “surge” of federal air marshals. What is it with this guy and surges? See that problem, a surge will fix it. Hell, only a surge will fix it. I feel the same way about hammers, but i don’t act on it.
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There’s a story percolating through the internet that originally appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle and has now made its way to places like The Huffington Post*. I don’t fault Justin Berton, the Chronicle writer, because i realize that he probably didn’t write the headline. None-the-less, “Biblical scholar’s date for rapture: May 21, 2011″ is shite…though it was enough to pique the interest of the fluff chasers at the Huff Po.

Having never heard of Harold Camping before seeing this article, i had to do a little research. My suspicions were confirmed.
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On election night 2008, i had the chance to speak with my newly reelected representative in a setting more private than the average meeting with a politician. That was quite a night, wasn’t it? After eight long years of Bush-Cheney running all sorts of rampant over everything from our civil liberties to our economy and a few foreign nations in between it was hard not to savor a moment where so much seemed, once again possible. I looked down on the twinkling lights of my little city from the penthouse suite of our luxury hotel and felt hope…even through my well-cultivated cynicism.

I asked my representative, “What’s the agenda when you return to Washington?”
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You know that we’ve reached a new level of Sovietization when you’re treated to statements from the Transportation Security Administration claiming confusion to be all a part of the plan. If you’re confused then the terrorists will be confused too. Freedom’s last hope is that nobody knows what’s going on, and the subtext is that not establishing a protocol publicly allows the TSA to be “flexible.” Just remember that even in their flexibility, the organs never make mistakes.
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Jane Hamsher ruffled some feathers last week when she forged a temporary alliance with Grover Norquist to call for an investigation of Rahm Emanuel’s activities at Freddie Mac. She also warned us about Treasury’s plan to raise limits on government backing for Freddie and Fannie. She was too late to stop the latter; in fact, Treasury stuffed the fattest, slush fund stocking in history on Christmas Eve. I don’t know if Rahm is guilty. He looks guilty as hell, though that goes for pretty much everyone in that fetid swamp. But the biggest uproar to come from Ms. Hamsher’s activities seems to be the rending of garments and gnashing of teeth that comes from purity betrayed.

I don’t particularly like Grover Norquist. Then again, i don’t pay particular attention to Grover, either. I’d be interested to know whether he considers the DoD part of “big government.” If he does, i might be willing to shop for bathroom fixtures with him.
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Beware the new blog meme about hash smoking in the Afghan National Army. Yes, i referenced it a few weeks ago, but i did so for humor and was quick to point out that U.S. soldiers got just as high a generation ago in Vietnam. I then went on to make the point that the problem isn’t ANA guys getting high. The new, embryonic meme is that an Afghan National Army of the sort talked up by D.C. isn’t possible because, “all the men there– yes, all of them– are stoned all day, every day on the strongest hash (much of it opiated) on God’s earth.”

Wow, that’s a lot of bullshit for one sentence.
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Word on the street is that Obama will send 34,000 more troops to Afghanistan. He really stared McChrystal down, eh? It’s expected that he’ll make a public announcement on Tuesday; i’m sure it will be a fine speech. He’ll talk about freedom and how important it is to defend it. He’ll have tough words for Hamid Karzai and corruption in Afghanistan. He’ll tell us that this is all necessary so that the terrorist bogeymen don’t come back and kill us all at the mall. And most importantly, he’ll tell us that this “surge” is temporary; it will facilitate the development of the Afghan National Army and provide security until that body can take on the job of defeating the Taliban.

That is, Mr. Obama will produce grand words that will, hopefully, mask the taste of bullshit. There’s a video going around the internet that you should watch so that you have the right visual for the moment our President tells you about developing the Afghan Army.
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We’re quick to point out political corruption around the world. Afghanistan is corrupt. Iran rigs elections. Putin has his oligarchs. It’s all true, but rarely do we take a long hard look at the corruption endemic in our own politics. My esteemed colleague, Dr. Denny, recently penned an important post detailing Congressional corruption. Like so much of our nefarious behavior, it looks relatively civilized because we dress it up nicely. But we all know that our representatives are as crooked as any in Kazakhstan. We just call it “campaign finance”. We all know it’s a huge problem, one that’s slowly grinding our Republic into dust. We just can’t do much about it. What chance is there that the crooked politicians are going to straighten the mess out against their own, personal interests?

Well, i have an idea. Call it the Nelson Muntz Initiative…
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The National Security Archives at George Washington University recently published translations of Soviet Politburo meetings on Afghanistan. They are more illuminating than the combined words of America’s punditocracy that litter the nation’s editorial pages. For one, they probably reflect the administration’s deliberations with uncanny accuracy. For two, they are free of the domestic political maneuvering that editorial writers in the US seem incapable of putting aside. Reading them for their content and applying the words to the US situation requires letting go of the American exceptionalism that plagues our thoughts, but it is important to remember that such exceptionalism will be our downfall…so it’s best to dispense with that in any case.

Mikhail Sergeyevich applies the idiomatic phrase “…… vydelyvnet Krendelya” to Karmal. We could use it do describe Karzai, Obama, Clinton, McChrystal, et. al.. It translates literally as “….. is walking like a pretzel.” The figurative meaning is that someone is staggering and weaving like a drunk; that is, not being straight-forward.
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Well now, the paper of what, why didn’t anyone tell us? record has stumbled across information suggesting that Ahmed Wali Karzai is on the CIA’s payroll. Yeah, that Ahmed Karzai who had the Senate’s panties all in a bunch as recently as August for his purported role in the Afghan opium trade.

According to the paper of sure we’ll lie to help you invade Iraq record, Mr. Karzai was paid for “a variety of services” that included raising a paramilitary force. You don’t say…

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