We had a great time watching the Olympics. I honestly have no memory whatsoever of paying any attention at all to what was going on in Turin four years ago—maybe we were travelling, maybe we just forgot. It was hard to not notice these Olympics here in the UK, given the relationship with Canada—everyone has some family that settled there, it seems, and there are a whole lot of Canadians who live in the UK. And, you know, hope springs eternal in curling. So after the disastrous start, we resolved to just put the Olympics on and leave them there, in support. Not that we’re huge fans. But winter Olympics area always a lot more fun than the summer ones. And then there’s the fact that watching them here in the UK is an outright pleasure.
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The move is afoot to add pole-dancing to the Olympics. No, I’m not making that up, and no, I’m not talking about what happens every Saturday night in clubs all over Warsaw. If you’ve suffered through “athletic” competitions like synchronized swimming (Busby Berkeley choreography in water), curling (there’s a pregnant woman on the Canadian team) and ice dancing (really, wouldn’t we all enjoy it more if it were ice line dancing?) you probably figured it was only a matter of time. My guess is that the judges will stuff dollar bills into the athletes’ thongs, and whoever closes the cabaret down with the most cash wins gold. From a development standpoint this one would be easy on the organizing committee, since there are already a lot of venues out by the airport. Full Story »

Complete this sentence: “When opportunity knocks, ___________________________.”

I was pretty hard on Bode Miller after his no-show in Torino four years ago, about as hard as I’ve ever been on anyone who wasn’t in a position of political authority. Looking back, I don’t regret a word of it. He established himself as the archetype of American sports marketing, and his all-hype no-results performance was about as embarrassing as anything in the history of the US Olympic team.

And while I didn’t write about her, my friends certainly heard some choice words on the subject Lindsey Jacobellis, who decided that showing her ass was more important than winning. Full Story »

Finally, after all these months, Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods is going to apologize. To you, to me, and to all the other people around the world that he cheated on. I know, I know, it’s not really his fault. He has an addiction. To cocktail waitresses (I think this is on page 486 of the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual V, due out in 2013).

Most importantly, his apology will be carried live by CBS. By NBC. By ABC. By CNN, CNBC, HLN, Fox News, Fox Business and MSNBC. That makes it a bigger story than health care. It’s bigger than the guy who crashed a plane into the IRS building in Austin. It’s bigger than Iran’s nuclear ambitions. It’s even bigger than the Winter Olympics, which are offered on tape-delay.

And it’s sure as hell bigger than this assortment of crybaby hippie socialist bullshit. Full Story »

Okay, help me out here.

Last night I was watching the Men’s Moguls competition from Vancouver. Absolutely fantastic fun, lots of drama, the thrill of victory, apeshit Canadians, etc. But this particular event, probably moreso than anything this side of parkour, drives me bonkers. (No, figure skating and synchronized swimming aren’t sports. Anytime you can trigger controversy because your tutu is trimmed in fur, whatever you’re doing isn’t a sport. Period. Let’s move along.)

Here’s the problem.

What part of hurtling a zillion miles an hour down a double-black mogul field isn’t good enough for you? I mean, powder, skis, a steep mountain and a stopwatch – that sounds like a pretty good sport to me. Full Story »

There is no good way to die, especially when you’re only 21. Full Story »

First, the official response:

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Not long ago, a reader (not my therapist) asked me why I am the way I am.

“What do you mean?“ I asked back. “Because like everyone, there are two of me: the good me and the evil me. Which one are you interested in?”

“The evil you first,” he replied.

“That’s easy,“ I said. “The evil me is the way I am because I have an older brother.” Full Story »

File under “T” for “thanks for clearing that up”:

Despite reports to the contrary, Scott McCarron would like to clear up his thoughts on Phil Mickelson: He never called his fellow player a “cheater.”

In a statement released Monday, McCarron discussed his original comments to the San Francisco Chronicle regarding Mickelson and other players using Ping-Eye 2 clubs that have grooves which no longer conform to USGA and PGA Tour standards, but are still considered legal because they were grandfathered in two decades ago.

“I responded, ‘It’s cheating and I am appalled Phil has put it in play,’” McCarron stated. “I never called Phil Mickelson a cheater. That being said, I want my fans, sponsors, and most importantly, my fellow players, to know that I will not be silenced and I will continue my efforts to get the groove issue resolved.” Full Story »

by Alex Cole

Katsumi Yamada doesn’t have it easy. The 44-year-old Hyogo native alienated his family, lost his full-time job, and completely devoted his life to training for the sport he loves.

He’s a classic case of a tragic hero. Peaked too soon. Fell too soon.  Never seemed to ever pull himself back up after suffering more embarrassing defeats than any athlete or bodybuilder should know.

But no matter how many failures he posts – 23, to be exact –  he keeps coming back for more.

His love for the sport isn’t mutual. It continues to spit back in his face and kick him to the curb. Some may argue that it’s even ruined his life. Yamada’s lust for victory has left him with a bruised body, bruised ego, and bruised spirit.

You’ve probably never heard of him. That’s OK. Neither had I. Until three years ago. Full Story »

Ten years ago, at the turn of the millennium, Nostraslammy took a stab at predicting the 21st Century, with a promise to check back every ten years to see how the prognostications were turning out. Odds are good I won’t be able to do a review every ten years until 2100, but I figure I’m probably good through 2030, at least, barring some unforeseen calamity. And if you’re Nostraslammy, what’s this “unforeseen” thing, anyway?

Let’s see how our 22 articles of foresight are holding up, one at a time.

1: Researchers will develop either a vaccine or a cure for AIDS by 2020. However, it will be expensive enough that the disease will plague the poor long after it has become a non-issue for the rich and middle classes (although this is one case where political leaders might fund free treatment programs). The end of AIDS will trigger a sexual revolution that will compare to or exceed that of the 1960s and 1970s (unless another deadly sexually-transmitted disease evolves, which is certainly a possibility). Full Story »

To most NFL fans, the term Wildcat conjures up an image of a running back receiving the snap. Whether or not this lends an element of diversity to a team’s attack is debatable. More certain are the formation’s implications to the offensive coordinator: that during running plays his team is no longer at a numerical disadvantage to the defense.

Usually when a quarterback hands off, he proceeds to take himself out of the mix, thus leaving the offense with but 10 players matched up against the defense’s 11. The Wildcat, in contrast, provides a contingency blocker. In any event, like many “innovations” in sport (as well as art and fashion), the Wildcat is actually a homage to the past — in football’s case, the venerable single-wing. Full Story »

Disgraced former NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who was convicted of two charges related to betting on NBA games (some of which he worked as an official), is out of prison, pimping a new book and telling his story to 60 Minutes and ESPN. What he’s saying, and who’s backing him up, has to be giving NBA Commish David Stern a king-hell case of the nightsweats.

We’ll stipulate up front that the witness has a credibility issue. Full Story »

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Yesterday, Nancy asked if I’d look at the car because it was making a funny noise when she accelerated.

“Sure, I’ll put The Finger on it,” I said.

“Enough with the stupid finger,” she replied. “I don’t want you to put your finger on anything, I want you to look at the car.”

“All right,” I answered. “But I can look at the car from here. It looks fine. Are you sure you don’t want me to go out there and put The Finger on it?”

She mumbled something and wandered away. I looked at the car. It needed a wash. Full Story »

South African track runner Oscar Pistorius, though not a double amputee — he was born without lower legs — has enjoyed great success competing in that class wearing state-of-the-art carbon-fiber prosthetics. After setting world records in the 100, 200, and 400 meters, he sought to move up in weight class, if you will.

Initially, he was prohibited from competing against able-bodied runners on the grounds that, because they were a little too state-of-the-art, his prosthetics gave him an unfair advantage. (Of course, he was still allowed to crush other double-amputees.) Ultimately, though, he was cleared to compete against all runners. But the unfair-advantage issue is not a closed book. Full Story »

They say money can’t buy happiness. The same also goes for celebrity, and even the status that accompanies being among the best in the world at your profession. We’ve had ample demonstration of this in recent days.

Robert Enke, the goaltender for Hannover 96 (who currently hover in the middle of the German Bundesliga standings) and a potential member of next year’s German World Cup team, died the other day. His death was apparently a suicide.

“At 1825 (1725GMT) he was run over by a regional express train running between Hamburg and Bremen,” said police spokesman Stefan Wittke. “The train was travelling at the speed of 160-kph.”The player’s friend and consultant Joerg Neblung told reporters: “I can confirm this is a case of suicide. He took his own life just before six (pm).

Enke lost a child in 2006 and has left behind a wife and eight month-old daughter. Full Story »

What. The. Fuck.

Now, any normal person could glance at me and see that I was a guy destined to play football. I looked like a football player, talked like one, and ran into things with a violence that suggested a natural linebacker. But I didn’t like football that much. Truth be told, I was just clumsy and always late. Hitting other people was OK, but getting hit by other people hurt. A lot. I was too cerebral for football, so I went to the Babe Ruth Baseball League tryouts for boys aged 13-16, and was drafted by the Elks Lodge, Post 1776. Full Story »

America’s democratic ideal doesn’t work perfectly. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all, and in these cases it feeds our cynicism to the point where we’re tempted to conclude that the very possibility of true freedom is a sham. I know whereof I speak, because there are few people out there more soaked in bile than I am.

Still, this whole “marketplace of ideas” is a marvelous concept. Perhaps the most marvelous concept in history. Drawing on the Miltonian belief that if people are allowed to enter the agora and freely state their cases, then “the truth will out” (that is, an educated and informed citizenry will unerringly perceive the truth and that weaker ideas will be disregarded in favor of stronger ones), our nation’s founders crafted a Constitution that assured people the right to voice their opinions, free from government intrusion. Full Story »