Scholars and Rogues » MAS

Mm-mm, time for pi: Nota Bene #2010-10

Mike Sheehan — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:46:41 +0000

“If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don’t put it there.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “After a dozen years of patient work, Schmidt has uncovered what he thinks is definitive proof that a huge ceremonial site flourished here, a ‘Rome of the Ice Age‘” … “This document gives details on how law enforcement can grab user data from a wide range of Microsoft services” … “Observers have locked onto a galactic get-together that’s happening relatively nearby” … “If you do that, I am here to stand behind you” … “It is the first time the title has been held by a non-American for 16 years” … “Not quite sure how a Union soldier ended up in Aunt Ellen’s backyard, but he’s there” … “Soldiers, you are now cleared to use your thumb drives again” … “My Friday chat on ESPN.com drew 42,000 questions” … “It is antithetical to the concept of public health to wait until you have human bodies to do something” … “To perform a routine getting angry about the vapidity and stupidity of some TV commercial seemed lazy and a cheap laugh” … “Anti-immigration group Numbers USA discussed a variety of tactics to thwart an upcoming march by immigrant rights supporters” … “As a former physics major and long-time math nerd, I love Pi Day” … “[Propagandists don't want us] to see everyone in the world as essentially just moms and dads trying to get by and trying to do what’s best for their kids” … “The craft’s approach to Pluto has begun” … “This is a big deal after eight years of lackluster enforcement” … “I’m not going to get on the ice and strip down naked and roll around” … “While the prison system still grows and corporate welfare continues, the politicians want to ‘balance’ the budget on the backs of the most vulnerable, least able to pay” … “This is a bold, new world, but Shuttle will always have a special place in my heart” … “We expect to create plenty of jobs in coming years, but guess what: they won’t be in the U.S.” … “Scientists have discovered an energy source that you can see only through a microscope” … “The Texas Board of Education approved a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks” … “The reality is every bit as fantastic as the dream” … “Why did we work so hard for this organization, and why did it feel so wrong in the end?” … “Look at the whole budget picture and think about what it says about our country’s commitment to science, technology, and education” … “I’m referring to serious financial management problems at the Department of Defense” … “The Standard Model is our (nearly) complete map of every fundamental particle and force that exists” … This issue’s quote was from Anton Chekhov … And finally, “Sen. Al Franken will be the subject of a new comic book.” ∞

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz: Nota Bene #2010-09

Mike Sheehan — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:00:45 +0000

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “They have been attacked by thugs trying to force them out of their studios to make way for real-estate developments” … “2010 marks the 30th anniversary of quintessential Los Angeles punk rock pioneers Bad Religion” … “I didn’t like it when a certain former president made my life miserable” … “Results like this make Enceladus one of the most exciting places we’ve found in the solar system” … “Even conservatives are struggling to figure out a way to address the issue of immigration reform so they can start repairing their relationship with Latinos, the fastest-growing electorate in the country” … “Are they con artists or do they know the most effective medicine could be in your head?”/”From healing faster to controlling pain to losing weight, some believe we can think ourselves healthy” … “Guinness World Records says Giant George is the tallest dog ever on record” … “I’m a spokesperson for forces far greater than myself” … “After two centuries of neutrality, Switzerland has found itself facing a would-be ‘holy war‘ announced by Libya’s Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi” … “Anyone can become homeless at any point in time, so I want to pump up some dollars and pump up the volume” … “Who I was at 18, 19, 20 is not who I was at 40 or 41, and it’s a little ridiculous to assume people don’t change” … “They’re furious that officials shut down the program without warning and with little explanation” … “The age of gas guzzlers is over, and a team of local students wants to make sure they stay in the grave” … “It could even help answer questions about why there is more matter than anti-matter in the universe” … “The International Skating Union has taken the risk out of figure skating and it makes me sick” … “The government is telling people what’s good for them and what’s not, but that should be a choice made by us, not those in power” … “Officials for NASCAR have announced plans to ban the circuit’s drivers from texting during races” … “Eric Schmidt has shown a penchant for making enemies lately, but no former associate has publicly broken with the Google CEO as vehemently as the former Sun manager who fantasized about putting Schmidt’s ‘teeth down his throat‘” … “I can remember kind of being looked upon as a freak, because I didn’t dress like everybody else” … “Police in at least two states are increasingly using a DNA crime-solving technique that some legal experts say amounts to guilt by association” … “This report is yet another indication that when it comes to the global threat of nuclear weapons, this is one president who understands the urgency and is trying to do something about it” … “There are still a few thousand Klan members around the country, 50 of whom decided to hold a rally at the same time that the ‘dreamwalkers’ were passing through the area” … “Washington is owning up to Project Azorian, a brazen mission from the days of high-stakes Cold War rivalry” … “Leonardo da Vinci took them, as did Napoleon Bonaparte, Johannes Brahms and Winston Churchill” … “A journey from Earth to Mars could in the future take just 39 days” … “This is why I have to admire the Republicans” … “The middle class is the only part of America adhering to standards of personal financial responsibility” … “What would an ad made by a drug-fueled Stanley Kubrick featuring dogs jumping in slow motion look like?” … This issue’s quote was from Winston Churchill … And finally, “It is nice to be reminded that the human spirit can always triumph, and that this world, which is too much to bear, can still be lived in with dignity and wonder.” ∞

[No title due to budget cuts]: Nota Bene #2010-08

Mike Sheehan — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:00:04 +0000

“Working for a major studio can be like trying to have sex with a porcupine. It’s one prick against thousands.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “PlayStation 3 is proving itself to be more than just an online death-match machine” … “The way we treat immigrants is a national disgrace and I’m ashamed of what we do” … “The great promise of the Internet has been exposed as a scam” … “Physicists have created the hottest matter ever measured by man” … “The more truffles I sniffed, the more I became intoxicated by their musky scent, and started craving them myself” … “The city no longer offers basic services that people expect from their local government” … “Not ten minutes away by vehicle, one man’s rage against the machine had birthed a glowing fireball of vengeance” … “Confronting the powers that be is a hard thing in any town but especially here in Philadelphia” … “Imaginary (thank God!) Bank of Cthulhu” … “Four Republi-cats and 21 Dog-ocrats are on the ballot” … “Crates of Scotch whisky and brandy have been recovered by a team restoring an Antarctic hut used more than 100 years ago by polar explorer Ernest Shackleton” … “Attorney and writer Wajahat Ali fought an epic battle for a home loan modification against Wells Fargo and won” … “I would like to give a shout out to WBC president Jose Sulaiman for being the man pulling the strings on some of the worst decisions ever seen in the sports world” … “As one travels the globe and observes the variety of fairs, festivals, and frivolities, it becomes clear that all humans, no matter where we live, are more than just a bit bonkers” … “The sprawling million-dollar custom home sits on 20 acres with spectacular views, its own library, heated decks and prance-around-naked privacy—and it could all be yours for $100” … “The bomb squad sent in a robot to check out the bag and inside they found the doll” … “If you look like me, you may be ejected from Southwest Air” … “Happiness is living in Boulder” … “Guidance counselors worry that express applications may be short-circuiting a storied process in which students search out the colleges that might be the best fit for them” … “‘I am glad to be back,’ said Oderus, taking a break in the festivities surrounding the continuing 25th anniversary of GWAR’s re-awakening on Earth” … “I strongly disagree with the Supreme Court’s conclusion that money is speech, and that corporations should be treated the same as individual Americans when it comes to protected, fundamental speech rights” … “You really should think of this photo next time you stick a USB flash drive into your pocket” … “Your next credit card statement is going to contain an ugly truth” … “There’s a growing list of characters that has us harking back to Zora Neale Hurston’s famous words: ‘All my skinfolk ain’t kinfolk’” … “Everyone was like WHOAA but then he wrote some poems” … “I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems” … “A red devil stares at fire” … “My body and I are not separate entities, that’s gnosticism or something” … “After 33 years as a Scientologist, the past 13 as the voice extolling perils of walking away, Anderson is walking away” … “Al-Qaeda’s parent terrorist organization has announced the recall of 50,000 bombs to correct a problem the company says could either cause the bombs to detonate unexpectedly or fail to detonate at the proper time” … “He has been wrong about nearly everything that matters but he has, as the result of what seems to be great suffering and some respect for the obvious, admitted it” … “We have reached the end of the road” … This issue’s quote was from Robin Williams … And finally, “Oscar regularly predicted patients’ deaths by snuggling alongside them in their final hours.” ∞

The Illustrated Dick: Nota Bene #2010-07

Mike Sheehan — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:36:22 +0000

“When all you are becomes defined as the amount of information traceable to you, what are we then? What have we become, in a world where there is no separation, no door, no filter beyond which we can say, ‘No. This is my personal space. Not yours. Here I am alone with my thoughts and free of any outside influence or control. This, you cannot have.’ I don’t know, but I don’t want to find out.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “We missed the boat then, and lord knows we’re missing it now” … “I’m sorry, but a poor computational knowledge engine, no matter how powerful, is not capable of providing a simple answer to that question” … “Qwest appears to be on the block” … “Today’s football players have an edge that no athletes before them have possessed” … “The project will deliver fiber to the home speeds at up to 1 gigabit per second” … “Terry Pratchett says he is ready to be a test case” … “Michael Wright became the first African-American champion in USA Diving’s history” … “There’ll be a lot of data to analyze—1.5 terabytes each day” … “Supporters say the move would make Iceland an ‘offshore publishing center’ for free speech” … “Who’d have thought that prog rock opuses from King Crimson, Tangerine Dream and Genesis were born in the sounds of the maestro of shlocky kitsch” … “A human placed unprotected on Mars’s red sands would gasp painfully in poisonous carbon dioxide air only one percent as dense as Earth’s air, pass out in seconds, and perish within two minutes” … “The initial figures we have obtained show that our mineral deposits are worth a thousand billion dollars” … “The Great Transition has already begun” … “Dear Firefox, I’m not sure what is going on, but after installing an update a few months back, you’ve been sucking pretty hard” … “We are seeing treatment of our military being contracted out to state agencies whose employees take crash courses in how to treat psychologically wounded veterans” … “Whenever I think of what it was like to be 20 years old, I will remember Fieger and four minutes and three seconds of rock ‘n’ roll salvation” … “I was concerned at the lack of radio play that Latin jazz artists receive on so-called mainstream jazz programs” … “We live in an age where jazz is a thing, a codified idiom” … “He could have gone up against Ella Fitzgerald in the ’50s and still won” … “The idea that California could someday have historical jurisdiction over a fragment of the moon’s surface seems genuinely astonishing” … “A new study tells us that the largest and fastest-growing population of poor people in the U.S. is in the suburbs” … “Alan Zweibel will receive the Ian McLellan Hunter Award for Lifetime Achievement in Writing” … “It’s like we’re back in 2003!” … “Education Secretary Arne Duncan apologized for saying that Hurricane Katrina was ‘the best thing’ for the New Orleans school system” … “I hope you enjoy this look into some people’s work lives around the world”/”Once more, I’ve collected some of these photos, composing another global portrait of we humans at work” … “The Iranian economy has changed the Revolutionary Guards as much if not more than they have changed it” … “An 18th-century account of how a falling piece of fruit helped Isaac Newton develop the theory of gravity is being posted to the Web” … “Tobacco plants could help wean the world from fossil fuels” … “Big dreams for expansion, less than a decade later it would be abandoned” … “Citizen involvement is the holy grail of exoplanet science” … “When the same company produces the programs and runs the pipes that bring us those programs, we have a reason to be nervous” … “The most powerful and highest space nuclear test ever conducted emitted a flash visible over much of the Pacific” … “There just aren’t enough eyeballs on these races to do the critical analysis” … “Some female soldiers live in fear of being attacked by one of their own” … “Should great figures be entitled to the same protection of privacy as private individuals?” … “Our secret war is essentially kept secret from us” … “I’d rather run away far unto outer planets than be extinguished by narrow-minded humans on this forsaken world” … “A rare and intimate look at the dignity of military funeral rites” … “The Orange Revolution’s leaders were overthrown by the same voters whom they empowered” … “Are students ready for the real world at 17?” … “You absolutely HAVE to click on that picture to do it justice” … “‘This is a touchy subject,’ King said, laughing at his unintended pun” … “We like to think that artificial intelligence is replicating human smarts, but in reality it does something quite different” … “The ancient text has no known title, no known author, and is written in no known language” … “The animated tale of Dock Ellis’ legendary LSD no-hitter” … “First Nation Chiefs transport the Olympic Flame“/”Searchlights shine brightly in Vancouver’s night sky” … “I’ve never regretted stopping when I did” … “This is a post I’ve been dreading writing for almost six years” … This issue’s quote was from Martin Bosworth … And finally, “I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do.” ∞

Large Marge sent me: Nota Bene #2010-06

Mike Sheehan — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 06:10:59 +0000

“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “Michael Brown, the incompetent head of FEMA who fiddled as New Orleans drowned under Hurricane Katrina, appears to have amassed the perfect credentials to enter the right-wing radio talkosphere” … “Oceans of liquid diamond, filled with solid diamond icebergs, could be floating on Neptune and Uranus” … “These animals are really treated as little more than milk-producing machines” … “Thousands of power flashes from cameras have the potential to further damage some of the nation’s most important original documents” … “At least one of them had a feathered mohawk tail in a subdued palette of chestnut and white stripes” … “Americans who hid money from the Internal Revenue Service in secret Swiss bank accounts may escape exposure” … “Privacy is the core currency of the social web, and like any other type of currency system there’s an exchange rate” … “It brushes my hand, leaving a telltale streak of sticky, stinky moistness” … “Dictatorship in the name of religion is the worst kind” … “He threw darts at the audience and then attacked them with a fire extinguisher” … “You are very likely a maternal cousin with Hillary Clinton” … “Sills is not even in high school yet” … “The hottest musician of the day was a jazz-playing Gypsy” … “He lasted three nights, went insane, became bankrupt and was committed at an institution on the island or, some stories say, he killed himself two weeks later” … “The ending of the imperial wars and the dismantling of America’s global military empire—and its global gulag—would save trillions of dollars in the coming years” … “I think the quartet may be one of the bands of the decade, at least in terms of influence” … “The world’s largest Internet search company and the world’s most powerful electronic surveillance organization are teaming up in the name of cybersecurity” … “If I wait too much longer, I’m not going to be able to do it” … “The real problem is that too many people tend to follow GOP cues about how hopelessly unsafe America is” … “Pat Metheny insists he isn’t out to replace his band, but it is the band inside his head” … “It is possible they are being held at a zoo in Abidjan” … “It is alarming to hear that the Obama administration is asserting that the president can authorize the assassination of Americans abroad” … “Fitting that the most dramatic views ever made of distant Pluto should be made public on the birthday of its discoverer” … “I was Vangelis’s sound engineer in the early 80’s and worked on Blade Runner“ … “Charmin Ultra 6-pack just $4.99!” … This issue’s quote is attributed to Will Rogers … And finally, “A recent flurry of research is suggesting new ways to get rid of the fear associated with certain memories, and even to delete those memories—permanently.” ∞

Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse: Nota Bene #2010-05

Mike Sheehan — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:56:54 +0000

“To take people from the music world and give them the same kind of credibility that you give me, Morgan Freeman, Laurence Fishburne, Forest Whitaker—that’s like an aberration. I know there’s some young actor sitting in New York or L.A. who’s spent half of his life learning how to act and sacrificing to learn his craft but isn’t going to get his opportunity because of some ‘actor’ who’s been created.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “The director of a leading missing children org is raking in a hefty salary, nicely north of $1 million” … “The America’s Cup will be shown live and for free over the Internet” … “Bill Gates said that tax increases are needed to balance the federal budget” … “Bill Gates announced that his foundation will commit 10 billion dollars to deliver vaccines to the world’s poorest countries” … “Their pathetic attempt to make any deal to get 60 votes convinced even Massachusetts voters that government under the Democrats was corrupt and oppressive, not just inept, but immoral” … “The US teen pregnancy rate rose in 2006 for the first time in 16 years” … “The Federal Reserve and Treasury Department have worked to keep that number secret and to conceal who was on the winning end” … “The incoherence of the opposition to Obama reveals the irrationality of the hate” … “You mention the name of Bhutto and you will have no shortage of people who hate her and of people who love her” … “Yesterday Oregon voters delivered a huge victory for progressives” … “Washington has suddenly noticed public rage over economic policies that bailed out big banks but failed to create jobs” … “Clandestine efforts by some countries to create alternative versions of the Internet for political ends could put the Web at risk” … “Three forces have conspired to prevent President Obama from running the country effectively” … “But for his work, we would be in a very different position today” … “I will still write an occasional op-ed piece when the bastards in Washington blast across the line into moron territory” … “I sort of looked into my soul and sort of decided that I really didn’t want to do that” … “The researchers for the first time delivered a megajoule of energy to a target by focusing 192 laser beams at the same time at a temperature of 111 million Celsius” … “That will free up as many as a million new positions in businesses that have already shed jobs” … “Her nickname among a lot of her friends is ‘Doctor T‘” … “The important question is this: if Obama now intends to be a populist battler, how hard will he fight?” … “People living in societies where wealth has concentrated at the top of the economic ladder live significantly shorter, less healthy lives than people who live in societies that spread their wealth more evenly” … “If the president asks one to take a job of that importance, I’d have to accept it” … “At a moment when millions are out of work and millions more struggling to get by, the party’s governing board will plot its comeback on the island of Oahu” … “It is generally conceded that Lee Archer was the first and only black ace pilot” … “Flanagan, the son of one of the U.S. Attorneys who feels that warrantless wiretapping was constitutional, had the role of advising Fallin’s staff on matters of national security” … “Tony Blair said he had no regrets about removing Saddam Hussein” … “President Obama vowed to save US middle classes from an ‘assault‘ from falling incomes and rising insecurity” … “A closer examination reveals that many of Breitbart’s ’scoops’ have been based on speculation, gross distortions, and outright falsehoods” … “A growing number of science students on British campuses are challenging the theory of evolution and arguing that Darwin was wrong” … “He gives himself a pass for the forceable removal of cats from his garage by way of shotgun and countless infidelities during his first marriage” … “Hundreds of geometric shapes once hidden by forest hint at a previously unknown ancient society that flourished in the Amazon” … “The first to serve up ice-cold beer, the Whopper Bar has been in the works for several months” … “Apparently all you have to do is cover one of their albums in its entirety at one of your own shows, and then they ask you to open for them” … “The intriguing picture shows two, large, bright, star spots” … “It all happened because Letterman had an idea he thought would be truly funny” … “It’s very difficult not to be obsessed with your own passing, your own demise” … “Several of the world’s leading astrophysicists believe there was no Big Bang” … “The good folks at Cartoon Network decided that they liked me” … “Despite all the stories I’d written about death in Africa, I’d simply failed to notice the calamity unfolding under my own roof” … This issue’s quote was from Samuel L. Jackson … And finally, “See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth.” ∞

Dancing Limbaughs: Nota Bene #2010-04

Mike Sheehan — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:00:22 +0000

“What they really want to see is, they want you to chop your fucking arm off, hold up your arm, wave it around spewing blood, and believe me, if you did that, the crowd would go fucking ballistic. You only get four good shows like that, though. Four good shows, and then you’re just a torso and a head, trying to get one of your band mates to give you one last hurrah and chop your head off. Which they probably wouldn’t do, which would really be hell.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “Tobacco products today are really the only human-consumed product that we don’t know what’s in them” … “This proposed military build-up, with our current political status, will result in the cultural and racial genocide of the Chamorro people” … “The figure of the U.S. president has been extremely popular and she expects the figure of the first lady to be a crowd pleaser as well” … “I think we’re due for another look at whether we’re doing the best we can to protect the public from pesticides in food” … “‘We have come here to die,’ the officer said, shaking his head” … “According to officials, Gen Re arranged to sell financial products to AIG and Prudential ‘for the sole purpose of enabling those companies to manipulate their accounting results and mislead investors‘” … “According to a Food and Drug Administration agent, Kay says he was trying to emulate Andy Warhol’s Campbell’s Soup labels” … “A mysterious visitor who each year leaves roses and cognac on Edgar Allen Poe’s tomb missed his rendezvous for the first time in 61 years” … “Scholars say Poe looked far more vigorous, perhaps even dashing, in his earlier years than he does in the well-known series of daguerreotypes taken in the final years of his life” … “‘I’d always wanted to come,’ the Army staff sergeant said, ‘but I didn’t want to come in this way‘” … “We gave our employees a holiday the day of the announcement so that we could run tests and scans internally to ensure that the network is safe and secure” … “From their modest beginnings in an apartment in Brooklyn, Smith became a rock star while Mapplethorpe blossomed into an acclaimed and highly controversial photographer” … “There’s a new application for Apple’s iPhone and it comes from the White House” … “The ancient Indian custom of caste has made its way into the modern world of social media” … “But you can plainly see the weariness in Stevens eyes as he is forced to contend with a legal fiction that has come to life, a sort of constitutional Frankenstein moment when corporate speech becomes even more compelling than the ‘voices of the real people’ who will be drowned out” … “With its ruling today, the Supreme Court has given a green light to a new stampede of special interest money in our politics” … “Kate was widely held to be a Canadian musical icon and the news of her death was greeted with sadness by her colleagues” … “The International Olympic Committee is recommending the establishment of special medical centers to deal with athletes who have ambiguous sexual characteristics” … “The government has tried to cover up those failings — keeping relatives and lawyers in the dark, deflecting blame, fighting rigorous quality standards, outside oversight and transparency” … “Researchers have turned to a slime mold for tips on work efficiency” … “A 9-year-old boy was found hanged in the bathroom of a Dallas-area elementary school in an apparent suicide” … “The Department of Justice is considering whether to open an investigation into the legality of the Bowl Championship Series” … “That morning, while trying to kill time, I had made the discovery that Discovery News called one of the top 10 science discoveries of the decade” … “It is almost impossible to obtain a public service in Afghanistan without greasing a palm: bribing authorities is a way of life” … “An unprecedented real estate boom is transforming Lebanon’s capital” … “Nobody is hiring journalists and that means nobody is hiring minority journalists, not even to replace the minority journalists who are leaving the business in droves” … “Classic arcade videogame Tetris has taken on new life” … “To what lengths should we go to try to protect ourselves from some asteroid or comet ‘going rogue‘ in the foreseeable future?” … “Foreign holdings of U.S. government debt increased by the largest monthly margin in over two years” … “Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin warned against the dangers of totalitarianism and despotism” … “Obama underscored his trademark theme with a chorus of ‘Yes We Can’ and sang a lover’s duet with his wife Michelle” … “The musical follows Limbaugh from ‘humble beginnings’ to his ‘ascent to conservative dominance‘ … “Singer Billy Bragg has threatened to stop paying taxes and called on others to follow suit” … “Nicolas Cage is determined to pay the IRS all that he owes in back taxes” … This issue’s quote was from Eddie Vedder … And finally, “Odd the way that synchronicity pops up.” ∞

Your pal, Mike S.: Nota Bene #2010-03

Mike Sheehan — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:20:04 +0000

“The guys who are shooting films now are technically brilliant, but there’s no content in their films. I marvel at what I see and wish I could have done a shot like that. But shots are secondary for my films, and with some of these films, it’s all about the shots. What’s the point? I’m not sure people know what points to make.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “Russians can go nutty when it comes to dogs” … “This is a policy designed to benefit elites at the expense of the broader public” … “Most of what the public learns is still overwhelmingly driven by traditional media—particularly newspapers” … “I had to wonder was it worth the risk: sitting in the back of a Warrior, rolling a dice with the IEDs and their fondness for ripping off people’s legs” … “A BMW pulled up outside the factory, a man got out, shot one of the Africans living there, and drove off” … “The chef has to take into account many factors when drawing up menus for astronauts floating nearly 250 miles above the earth” … “One day after teaching an English class for Buddhist novices at a monastery a young monk came over and pulled back the folds of his robe to reveal a Smith & Wesson” … “The group’s report card gave the White House an ‘A’ on its lobbying/revolving door rules” … “Police say that being recorded without their consent is a violation of privacy rights and the law” … “They really did perform well above their years” … “Having the car connected with the exterior world is a necessity” … “The Senate, as it now operates, really has become unconstitutional” … “Illegal loggers protected by armed gunman have continued to extract timber” … “Consumers can always add salt to food, but they can’t take it out” … “Apparently those kind of things don’t rise to the level of ‘troubling racial schisms‘” … “They don’t want the public seeing how their breeding dogs live” … “That’s why a growing number of Democrats in the Senate are running from this approach just as fast as they can” … “To us it’s not a grave concern to have to prove our bees are disease-free” … “Perhaps the most stimulative thing they can do right now is take a two-year recess or something” … “Their actions seem to indicate the contrary intention” … “The best tool we have for fighting ignorance is to get citizens involved in science” … “The myth of the slaves building pyramids is only the stuff of tabloids and Hollywood” … “An Ohio firm has turned to Craigslist to recruit U.S. embassy guards” … “A former chief United Nations weapons inspector is accused of contacting what he thought was a 15-year-old girl in an Internet chat room” … “I mean, really, when are these poor countries going to get their acts together?” … “A discovery that highlights the risks of a dangerous climate tipping point” … “Is all the President’s tough talk just empty rhetoric to Wall Street?” … “Moore averages 12,000 texts per month, entering up to 3.5 characters per second” … “Especially in these tough economic times, we will go after every dollar that is owed to taxpayers” … “The leading edge of white-supremacist agitation has focused on immigrant bashing” … “Police rescued a woman who was trapped for eight days in a lift” … “He even showed off the old slave chains” … “Experts believe Pashtuns could be one of the ten ‘Lost Tribes of Israel‘” … “I don’t know how they sleep at night, looking at all their fame, let alone the money they took by faking everybody out and lying” … “I think it’s going to be pretty rough for him to get in the Hall of Fame, I really do” … “The military-industrial complex is ruining the economy” … “Americans lean more toward giving up some of their liberty in exchange for more safety” … “Cabinda, the sliver of territory that sits between Africa’s two Congos, has made it into the headlines” … “We r now LIVE tweeting from the International Space Station” … “Mexico could face an assault on unionism” … “Is an apology that’s not said out loud really an apology?” … “It could hardly be called a face-to-face encounter, and conversation must have been a little difficult” … “Slowly but surely, longer-term unemployment seems to be becoming the norm” … “Critics claims the story of a white US Marine who saves an alien race perpetuates the ‘white Messiah fable‘” … “We need to take out the CIA” … “Morales is known to regularly chew on coca leaves, even when he appears at international conferences around the world” … “O’Reilly said ‘in jest‘ that Islamic women cover themselves because ‘the most unattractive women in the world are probably in the Muslim countries’” … “Your pal, John K.” … “In his case, I’d pull the switch on him myself” … “If this is how security against terrorism is guaranteed, whose hands are we in?” … “If we do nothing then I think you can kiss your country goodbye” … “A few hundred years from now when Islam becomes the official American state religion, Osama will be its mythical, shadowy messiah” … This issue’s quote was from Terry Gilliam … And finally, “It’s really simple: the people don’t like what we’re doing.” ∞

ArtSunday: Amalgam

Mike Sheehan — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:00:16 +0000

Here follow many of my favorite painters, illustrators and photographers. This comprehensive list
was lovingly compiled—be sure to click on the images or names to see and learn more. Enjoy! ∞

Jean “Moebius” Giraud

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

Il Planetario di Figaro: Nota Bene #2010-02

Mike Sheehan — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:20:46 +0000

“What splendid buildings our architects would be able to execute if only they could finally be less obedient to gravity!” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “The Fed played a role by promoting the most dangerous financial innovations used by institutions to fuel the housing bubble” … “We witnessed heartbreaking scenes where an estimated 10,000 disabled children and grandchildren were born to veterans of the conflict” … “I felt like I grew up in the center ring of a three-ring circus” … “We Chinese are intimately acquainted with this authoritarian arrogance” … “For nights I would wake up focused on that small but heavy glass mug with the ice sliding from it, and the first sip of root beer” … “Everything in the past 10 years was a complete disappointment” … “Some officials are concerned that the administration may be going too far” … “It will be interesting to see how the Canadians deal with this issue going forward” … “Allow me to choose four, five or even nine men, just as my wildest imagination shall choose” … “We’ve had swine flu, bird flu—why not octopus flu?” … “I have lost count of how many times we have heard that the al Qaeda Number 3 has been killed” … “I think tips provided in the pamphlet are not good in terms of preventing anyone from going down the road” … “A maximum-likelihood estimate of how long it will take to recover is—forever” … “A spokesman for the FBI said he doesn’t recall a bank robbery that involved a minor, let alone two girls” … “This is incredibly depressing for the country” … “The first time an opera has been performed in a planetarium” … “If that’s all that stands in the way between him being inducted into Cooperstown, we should all forgive him” … “Our government now has a number of detention facilities that could house hundreds of thousands of people” … “Make no mistake—our future is on the line” … “These Wall Street vampire-billionaires really exist” … “Carew’s stunt is just the latest in a long line of literary hoaxes” … “College sports is widely viewed as an out-of-control train on a collision course with academia” … “It’s a little disturbing that the city spends $1 million on such a controversial item” … “I’ve been able to walk in Stalin’s shoes and Hitler’s shoes to understand their point of view” … “Officials are concerned that some banks reward executives for increasing profits in the short term even if those executives also are increasing the company’s risk of losses in the long term” … “Police were investigating the death of a man who became a millionaire when he was 17” … “He found Condé’s actions ‘unbelieveable when you consider the kind of images that are in Condé Nast magazines‘” … “In the intelligence business, bigger is not necessarily better” … “it was not about art its about no morals and values and shoving his HOMOSEXUALITY down our throats” … “He’s different, he’s gutsy and he’s going to make a number of Republicans mad” … “We want the ability to buy and sell electricity in case it becomes part of our portfolio” … “Profile the swarthy!” … “Haugsgjerd said it seemed ‘natural and justified to republish the artistic and journalistic body of work that is likely the cause of this violence‘” … “It just feels like things are finally being righted” … “This location, believed the source for the first meteorite found to carry evidence of Mars life to Earth, is fed directly by a channel named after the late Orson Welles” … “We were machine-gunned like dogs and had to remain hidden under our seats to avoid the bullets” … “Wall Street is talking up the recovery because it would like to sell stocks” … “I caused a mass riot in India” … “This is quite a remarkable discovery” … “Honest Injun on that” … “The next step will be to make rudeness a criminal offense” … “The Big Argument is only just starting” … “Why do you want to meet someone like that for?” … “I know everybody has their demons, but he’s wrestling with some serious stuff” … “Let’s see that birth certificate, Freddy” … “What’s up, my reggin?” … “He dangles from rearview mirrors, appears in video games and crops up in film and on television” … “You have to be ready to embarrass yourself and good things come” … This issue’s quote was from M.C. Escher … And finally, “Imagine being a kid in 1978 and licking several tabs of acid while snuggled in your Star Wars blankie.” ∞

Heed the Peace Gnome: Nota Bene #2010-01

Mike Sheehan — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 19:20:59 +0000

“You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you’ve got music.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “The future is controlling your devices with a simple wave of the hand” … “This is a significant day in the long-running battle to get a fair and just settlement for the victims of this wicked drug” … “What began as an innocent mistake ended in a vicious attack on an honor student” … “It was a stunning turn of events whose significance is still coming into focus” … “The worst destructive element this Earth has is man” … “2009 was a very good year for one of the more ambitious figures in conservative politics” … “The country is primed for malfeasance” … “Those of us who love freedom, believe in making our own health care choices and know to our very core that the government does not own us must never become helpless” … “Prosecutors were prepared to indict both Bill and Hillary Clinton for their roles in the Whitewater and Lewinsky affairs” … “There’s been a real sea change in how the public views the universe and the search for intelligent life” … “Richard Nixon was the greatest peacemaker in US history” … “When this society mocks intellectuals as effeminate layabouts whose work is impractical, it is belied by history” … “When generals start trying to suggest publicly what the president should do, they shouldn’t be generals anymore” … “The amount of herbicides used on genetically engineered crops has increased, not decreased as might be expected” … “The Chinese government sent a chilling message to advocates of political reform and free speech” … “We are advocating very large-scale shifts in land use” … “Inventions have long since reached their limit, and I see no hope for further developments” … “The somber and anguished way that veterans in Russia spoke of their time in Afghanistan was a disturbing reminder of the hurdles that American forces now face” … “Officials probably picked out Moore ‘because she was near the front of the line and was a cute little Irish girl‘” … “This is an area that we have to pay real attention to, but it’s not an area that I get called about by reporters or have to answer questions about at the White House yet” … “Hospitals have been attacked by drug gangs seeking to finish off wounded rivals” … “The Pentagon has never, in the 14 to 15 years since they’ve been subjected to regular audits, had a clean audit” … “He conspicuously flaunts great wealth but has never given any credible explanation as to its source” … “He was arrested for talking with a foreigner” … “There is a vast consensus among progressives on what they want, but there is also mass confusion—even self-delusion—as to where they stand” … “In around two years, the numbers of youths—including young women—will start to decline” … “‘Fifteen minutes of fame’ has had its 15 minutes of fame” … “If government is the tyrant in China, who is the tyrant here?” … “This enormous hole in the cosmos defies standard cosmology and might just be the imprint of another universe bumping against our own” … “Yes, just a casual stroll by one guy personifying the American military might that has ~~damaged~~ helped Iraq so much” … “An outraged American public is proving no match for the mix of corporate money and influence that has been marshaled on behalf of the financial sector” … “Curbing gun use is linked to lowering the homicide rate, officials said” … “He warned against tree surfing, calling it a serious traffic violation” … “The final figure will be 308,400,408” … “Already the echo chamber is roaring with the all-justifying cacophony: ‘Terror, Yemen, al-Qaeda, Homeland, Bomb, Terror, Yemen, Yemen, al-Qaeda’” … “If this conservative admits that peace, tolerance, due process and progress are ‘liberal messages’ then doesn’t that also mean that war, intolerance, arbitrary authoritarianism and regression are conservative messages?” … “A serious plan to prevent such a catastrophe would probably be an international project involving Russian, European, US and Chinese space experts” … This issue’s quote was from Simon John Ritchie, better known as Sid Vicious … And finally, “I didn’t think anything would surpass the Academy Awards, but I was wrong.” ∞

A more glorious dawn awaits: Nota Bene #2009-47

Mike Sheehan — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:50:38 +0000

“The man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them; inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer to truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “One guy is setting actual policy, and one guy is re-pimping his old ideas in front of a crowd of glad-handers” … “Today America got a big win” … “This city could soon be the largest in the nation without a single bookseller” … “The devil’s in the fees” … “Major chemical companies will have no choice but to join him in bio-plastics” … “More than one-fifth went on to commit new crimes” … “It is a myth that women are better off under the new government than the Taliban” … “The star has agreed to promote Sobieski Vodka” … “The former cabinet minister who told me that Gordon Brown would be ‘an absolute disaster’ has outed himself” … “It’s a bit curious that the software can’t recognize African-American faces” … “Federal prosecutions soared” … “This is arguably the best solar land in the world” … “He called elements of the House bill wacky and socialist” … “Finci was informed that he was ineligible because he was a Jew” … “Microsoft must pay more than $290 million” … “Michelle and I just got the shots ourselves” … “He’ll get $73,200,000 as compensation for a job well done” … “Tens of thousands of women and young girls have been assaulted, kidnapped, raped and mutilated” … “I am seriously concerned that the health reform bill violates the Constitution” … “An inside view of the lives of Secret Service agents” … “Winehouse heckled a production of Cinderella“ … “People realize that I’m a great player, and one moment doesn’t define a person’s career” … “Kane dutifully assured senators he supported the program, notwithstanding Reagan’s stated desire to eliminate it” … “Opposition politicians blamed the president for the killing” … “Michael Jackson’s Neverland Favorites” … “There is no Boys Choir of Harlem” … “Obama’s critics will be remembered as easily panicked and prematurely discouraged at best and shriveled hatemongers at worst” … “For someone opposed to the immorality and hedonism that he sees embraced in rap lyrics, O’Reilly knows how to start a hip-hop-style feud” … This issue’s quote was from Thomas Jefferson … And finally, “Symphony of Science is a project designed to deliver scientific knowledge and philosophy in musical form.” ∞

toDwI’ma’ qoS yItIvqu’!: Nota Bene #2009-46

Mike Sheehan — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 20:40:46 +0000

“To be truly free, and truly to appreciate its freedom, a society must be literate.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “The class war is over—working people lost” … “We’ve had issues with them hiding the mail” … “Whatever happened to kids spending quality time in the real world?” … “Where Moscow has faltered, Beijing has succeeded, wielding its influence in the form of its enormous cash reserves” … “When people would ask me if I could guarantee their safety, I would say, ‘Unfortunately, I cannot‘” … “‘You’re screwed,’ he told his friends in the House” … “I underline the perverse way that cartels are empowered—and thus their violence enabled—by our continuing an outdated, ridiculous ban” … “When you look at the sky with new sensitivity, you’re going to find new things that you didn’t know were out there” … “We expect an extraordinary commitment from them to help rebuild our economy” … “There are still those members of the general public and even some experts who ignore women’s capacity for sexual abuse” … “Manually controlling volume levels with the remote control remains the simplest approach to reducing excessive volume levels” … “The problem is that this is a bivariate type of economy” … “I told you insulation is sexy!” … “There are as many as 1 million fake bills in circulation” … “A cheap form of sugar used in thousands of food products and soft drinks is fuelling the obesity crisis” … “I am just over the moon to be making this film with Mel, Leo and Bill” … “When that coalition fails, we’ll be back to calls for bombs” … “We’re unlikely to see a Karl Rove frogwalk any time soon” … “This has been a year of unprecedented devastation for the world’s media” … “Students told us that counselors used a variety of questionable tactics to reel them in” … “I knew if we could hurt the box office receipts here, it might put the brakes on the next movie” … “I am beyond disgusted at many of the putrid, spineless, stupid quislings who call themselves progressives” … “Who is a Jew?” … “It is the place where people go” … “The effort has been successful in the overall fight against terrorism” … “If there is no action taken to bring them down, ‘the federal government will go bankrupt‘” … “You may use the Web, but at the end of the day it is you who is really being used” … “During the worst recession in more than a quarter-century, it’s a disgrace” … “This was an extremely irresponsible thing to do” … “Intervention needs to happen now” … “I’m proud of being an ex-con” … “We have stopped worrying about this and Russia should stop worrying about this as well” … “I am not trying to promote an ideological fight within the Democratic Party” … “Junker said he has made personal contributions to legislators to ‘protect‘ the Fiesta Bowl” … “The time has come for a British Bill of Rights” … “The estimated time when whites will no longer make up the majority of Americans has been pushed back” … “Maybe they should fire the lobbyists” … “Just who’s running this nuclear-armed country is unclear” … “Unfortunately I’m hopeless with children” … “I call the Republicans a wholly owned subsidiary of corporate America, but now Obama is not far behind” … “Here are the 10 biggest debacles of the decade” … “An extraordinary recent statement has stunned his coal-dependent home state” … “Firefox has become an unstable mess of add-ons, plugins, and other hacks that chew up memory like a fat kid with a chocolate-dipped corn dog” … “They get their giggles from sitting in the backseat and bitching” … “For some 40 years, he lived the Mother Road’s itinerant ideal, defined its congenial ethos and left a body of art as iconic as the route that inspired it” … “We are done, we are tired, we are hungry, we still put you ahead of us, and yet that is still not good enough for some” … “Yoshida is famous for her baffling knuckleball” … “The resolution recognizing the album’s 50th anniversary passed on a 409-0 vote” … This issue’s quote was from William F. Buckley, Jr. … And finally, the title of this post is Klingon for “Merry Christmas.” ∞

Saturn’s Hexagon and the Bulava Spiral: Nota Bene #2009-45

Mike Sheehan — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:00:20 +0000

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” Who said it? The answer is at the end of this post. Now on to the links! … “What’s taken place in the year since Obama won the presidency has turned out to be one of the most dramatic political about-faces in our history” … “Borucki said some of the results being turned up by Kepler are so unusual that he’s not sure when the team will be ready to go public with them” … “While these non-violent protests don’t have the power to unseat the government, they do dethrone one of the world’s most closely held myths” … “From Beyonce to Bruce Springsteen, the artists waiting for payment are far from obscure, as thousands of artists have seen their copyrights used without permission and payment” … “Only the very best would even contemplate it, because the risk is huge” … “Our energy infrastructure is antiquated, centralized and harmful to the planet” … “There is much work to be done to promote and deliver inspired science, technology, education, aerospace and math education in the Arab world” … “Standard copier paper used in our everyday life can be a solution in storing energy in a more efficient and cheap way” … “The coalition is brazenly removing ‘nuisance species’ which live in an area where they want to build a golf course” … “There are a lot of reasons why the progressive groups that would be leading campaigns on a variety of fronts against George Bush stay silent when Obama does the same thing” … “They didn’t know how to connect with the earth, but they could shit in a bucket” … “Obama has shown no interest in rooting out corruption here at home” … “The glider traveled the 4,600 miles between the US east coast and Spain’s northwestern coast in 225 days using only a battery” … “Within weeks, there was a bald strip circling her head above the ears” … “Even the dead are no longer safe in my country” … “The Congressional Black Caucus got another painful reminder that President Obama is not black President Obama” … “The universe isn’t a very efficient chemist, but it has a lot of beakers and a lot of time” … “Power from renewable energy will have to wait” … “Here are my ten proposals to move the budget back to a sustainable path” … “Americans consumed information for about 1.3 trillion hours, an average of almost 12 hours per day” … “His accuser admitted she lied about being gang raped to make her friends feel sorry for her” … “The funds will be used to pay for costs to clean up more than 80 sites contaminated by hazardous waste from the firm’s mining operations in 19 states” … “When yet another one of those ‘we the people’ e-mails from the president landed on my screen, I came unglued” … “Cohen will receive the Grammy nod in honor of a career spanning four decades” … “I’m not sure how Mr. Goodell is going to take it” … “What kinds of ideas should be eligible for patent and copyright protection, and how long should that protection last?” … “They said it would have taken three or four people to remove the heavy stone grave slab, but added that they had no immediate idea of the motive” … “It also has a caption of Gretzky saying, ‘Eat your heart out Tom DeLay’” … “One commercial can feature a man brushing his teeth with poisoned toothpaste in a house full of toxic drywall” … “Lawyers for the plaintiffs at one point suggested a figure of 47 billion dollars” … “We are now a fraction of a quantum away from tyranny” … “Where our leaders are gathering, you can find only a corrupt shuffling of words, designed to allow countries to wriggle out of the bare minimum necessary to prevent the unravelling of the biosphere” … “I’m getting tired of saving Obama’s can in the White House” … “They observed a strange hexagonal pattern in the pole’s clouds” … “We in the West can’t even figure out exactly how we feel about gender roles, electoral representation, and drug use” … “Its ‘mythical status’ ‘has caused far too much harm for far too long’” … “Finally, one day I woke up and decided, ‘This is it, I’m coming back‘” … “What’s blue and white, squiggly and suddenly appears in the sky?” … This issue’s quote was from Mark Twain … And finally, “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole friggin’ life!” ∞

STFU: Nota Bene #2009-44

Mike Sheehan — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:00:55 +0000

Gonna try something different at the beginning of each NB issue. I’ll share a quote by somebody who’ll be named at the end of the post. Here’s a quote to start with: “One of the reasons that I feel I even have a voice that I can sing with is because my purpose in life is to save cows.” Now on to the links … “The fallout has been enormously costly for the US” … “In stores now is the inspirational book Heavy Metal in Baghdad: The Story of Acrassicauda” … “Consider a new type of supernova, one that is roughly 100 times more luminous than ‘normal’ supernovae” … “A man dove face-first into an extremely venomous, peanut-sized jellyfish” … “They chalked up all-night study sessions and gun purchasing runs that ended with Hunter seeing Johnny off in the middle of one snowy night to drive Hunter’s convertible, top down, straight to L.A.” … “With costs growing and few students even bothering to go to the games, Hofstra shut down its football team” … “The 10 richest Members’ collective fortunes — at least $557.06 million — account for more than half of the House’s combined worth” … “After the engines are cut off, they will enter free-fall, experiencing total weightlessness for several minutes” … “He is truly the happiest person I have ever met” … “Africa was not wild before the white man came; in fact, it was the colonizing that was wild” … “The most efficient and ecologically friendly way to dispose of carcasses it to let the vultures do the job” … “Inevitably, the scandals have made it harder to attract new men” … “When I get denied something, I do the opposite of getting intimidated — I get angry” … “It is a human rights problem of profound proportions” … “A farmer’s market of the mind” … “Today, I think the job of deminer is just like any other job” … “Health insurance is a very competitive marketplace” … “Titicaca has sunk to its lowest levels in 60 years” … “Shanty towns surrounding the site were still laced with lethal chemicals that are polluting groundwater and soil, causing birth defects and a range of chronic illnesses” … “There was something inherently evil about my job” … “The 23 Cabinet members sat at folding tables next to the Everest base camp at an altitude of 17,192ft” … “Transsexuals and homosexuals will never enter the kingdom of heaven” … “Ogunmeno also would consider being king of a smaller area if a good spot opened” … “Some section editors at all of the company’s papers will now report directly to sales managers” … “The banker was also angered because his son was allegedly told he and his teammates were not allowed to dress up as cheerleaders” … “I just thought only geeky, mechanical sorts of people would appreciate them” … “Many of them were under the impression that he was a delusional lefty all this time” … “Since they’re not allowed to use Nerf guns, students are now using rolled up socks” … “You see the danger here: Wow can turn into Whatever” … “But over on the right side you have an interesting little lump” … “America is in the fight of its life and that fight is not in Afghanistan — it’s here” … “Hazel has announced the formation of what is now being billed as the ‘first black supergroup‘” … “I was definitely the underdog, but I’m just the fat guy, so that’s OK” … “If nothing else, Brown is a serial resigner” … “It’s got to have a great sound and it’s got to have a great attack” … “It wasn’t immediately clear if he will still fight Floyd Mayweather Jr. if he wins in congress” … “He couldn’t read music but if you asked him to play anything he could do it straight away” … “We want to know why a brewer would produce a beer almost as strong as whisky” … “Music from Tupac has been included as part of the Vatican’s official MySpace playlist” … “Jesus Christ said He would not accept Notre Dame’s offer to coach the Fighting Irish” … This issue’s quote was from Chrissie Hynde … And finally, “Grayson dismisses Big Dick with four familiar letters.” ∞

Bear vs. Ninja: Nota Bene #2009-43

Mike Sheehan — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:20:33 +0000

“Overture, curtain, lights / This is it. We’ll hit the heights / And oh, what sites we’ll hit / On with the links, this is it!” Enjoy! … “When he was on an operating table with his chest cracked open, everyone assumed Command Sgt. Maj. Thompson’s long Army career was over” … “I felt at that moment that she was just nothing; she was like a piece of luggage there” … “These guys are fighting for the right to grow a plant, smoke its leaves and feel good” … “We did some crazy stuff and we’re just really lucky to be alive” … “How, as a human being, does one face infinity?” … “Most would-be college students would clearly be better off avoiding college” … “She still remembers the anger she felt when the Olympic team told her she couldn’t compete in the 1936 games” … “I guess those Iranians can pass the ball!” … “Bell ringers are not being replaced, although they’re being trained on how to guide donors through credit-card transactions” … “When I was very young I liked to spin in circles and just feel that disorientation” … “First they close down Guantanamo, then they let killer turkeys run free” … “From federal prosecutor to accused violent gangster, pimp, and drug-dealer” … “Scientists say they could announce that a million or more species remain unknown” … “Maybe Harry has some magic up his sleeve” … “The music business is really in a weird state right now” … “Nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service” … “Almost two-thirds of China’s 338 million Web users are now online game players” … “The Bloodhound group hopes the quest to take a car through 1,000mph will be an inspirational venture” … “A large, Mao-like portrait of Rev. Moon hung above his desk” … “250 sword-wielding butchers began the mass slaughter of around 20,000 buffalo” … “To avoid concealment, agents should put on an anonymous or even slightly dumb face” … “If my skin is lighter, I will be happier because I think I look good” … “In a series of 140-character takes, Avary has built up a vivid portrait of life in Ventura county jail” … “The Chinese construction giant signed more than $2 billion worth of contracts in the US market” … “Uygur doesn’t look like a rebel, but there is something revolutionary going on here” … “Some in the area believe the mutilations are the work of aliens” … “Obama should tell them to shut up with their self-congratulations” … “I wish I could be more artful in the way that I say things” … “The first 10 years of this century will very likely go down as the most dispiriting and disillusioning decade Americans have lived through in the post–World War II era” … “Until now these men have remained anonymous to all but their families” … “We should not be expected to stay forever as a kingdom of bicycles!” … “Our early English brethren could not abide the naughty behavior of wild American turkeys” … “An employee sent to collect from a delinquent customer found out the hard way yesterday why their bill was overdue” … “The fact that we’re stuck with the BCS is definitely the Bush administration’s fault” … “It could well be that they have been honored with being teepeed” … “We consumed your resources, dehumanized your people and disregarded your culture, along with your dreams, hopes and great love for this land” … “The version that ran this morning contains far more inflammatory imagery—three monkeys” … “The Justice Department and FCC will not be able to stop the merger—even if they know that the cost to the public interest will be grave” … “I challenge you to find a better song about robot sex” … “It’s like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father” … “1,000 years in the future, the legacy of John, Paul, Greg and Scottie remains” … “There’s jazz from hell, then there’s jazz from cute fuzzy rodents” … And finally, “the ninja lost the final battle and so the bear will occupy the council seat.” ∞

Linksgiving: Nota Bene #2009-42

Mike Sheehan — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:01:23 +0000

Welcome to my home. Have a seat at the table and prepare yourself for a mighty holiday feast. Enjoy! … First off, we need to say grace … Let’s watch the parade on TV while we eat … Hmm, switch it to football … What would you like to drink? Wine? … Beer? … Pop? … Punch? … Milk? … Let’s start off with some salad … Crackers too … Not sure what’s in this basket, might be rolls or biscuits or something … Personally I prefer the rich taste of cornbread … Start passing these around: Deviled eggs … Golden creamed corn … Or corn on the cob, if you want … Green bean casserole covered in French fried onions … Squash … Carrots … Peas … Roasted potatoes … Spinach … (Who knows what the hell this is—just eat it) … Please pass the salt … And the pepper … Ooh yeah, mashed potatoes … With lots of gravy … Plenty of stuffing … And here comes the birds! A couple of big turkeys … A duck … Chicken … Turducken … Tofurkey … Or perhaps you like ham … Here’s mint jelly to go with that … We even have fish … Oh crap, almost forgot the cranberry sauce! … C’mon, please try a taste of Auntie Penelope’s lime Jello with shredded carrot on top (at least while she’s looking) … Hope you’re not full yet, because here come the desserts! Pumpkin pie … Sweet potato pie … Apple pie … Cookies … Nuts … And of course, ice cream! … Let’s top it off with some samples from this potent pitcher of egg nog I fixed up special … That was great—now it’s time to retire to the living room, lay down and watch more football … Talk about Black Friday … And finally, doze off on the couch. ∞

Echoblowcation: Nota Bene #2009-41

Mike Sheehan — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:27:14 +0000

A few things for you NB readers: 1. NB is now numbered by year-issue instead of marked by date; 2. NB will continue to be issued weekly, but not necessarily on Monday night/Tuesday morning; 3. I liked last week’s format (quoted line from source) so much I’m repeating it. Enjoy! … “[O]ur recovery is likely to feel like something well short of good times” … “[T]here may be a biological advantage to fellatio” … “That motivates me more than anything else” … “‘What’s your name?’ a somber President asked as he extended his hand” … “Our plans go beyond serving food and marijuana” … “Is it worth having Tom Cruise as your news editor?” … “The vast majority of the weapons the Taliban are using are more than 40 years old” … “This really is propaganda for a healthy lifestyle because it is hard to imagine breakdancing having anything to do with drinking and dope” … “If I’m not going to wear number 23, then nobody else should be able to wear it” … “The odor of money hovers over the Blue Dogs” … “[W]e will not untie our ribbon until Saudi women enjoy their rights as adult citizens” … “He’s kind of mythical character you can glean lots of drama from” … “[T]hat’s why the Village destroyed Howard Dean” … “[W]hat we’re looking for are people with overwhelming personal problems and patterns of behavior that are not at all related to religion” … “[T]hese women never invite him to join them on play dates” … “I’ve been in the room and they’ve been scared of me” … “No business will give up a single penny of its profits to keep its workers healthy” … “[D]eforestation accounts for about a fifth of all greenhouse gas emissions from human activities” … “[T]he blogosphere has responded by raising more than $81,000” … “I am deeply ashamed as a citizen of that country to read this anywhere STILL after all these years” … “Perhaps his campaign promise of peace talks was only a ploy to win votes” … “[T]here was going to be a friggin’ fight if they didn’t let me watch ‘Hee Haw’” … “Plain and simple, there’s not supposed to be a mouse on the aeroplane” … “Once again, IOKIYAR — or in this case, IOKIYACR” … “A trail of blood about one-half mile long was traced from where deputies found the horse” … “Friday the 13th turns out to be a lucky day for a cat that was set on fire” … “We believe in pay for performance” … “[R]eformers were quite pleased with themselves, and celebrated by eating a cake” … “Their flags, their bikes and most of all their daunting presence was the first thing a passerby may have noticed” … “The proof is in her knapsack, in a bright yellow flexible file folder, hidden from prying eyes” … “[H]is $15,000 a month salary choked the shelter, financially” … “[T]he less rules that exist in the American market, the more cost-cutting exploitation they can engage in” … Would the Navajo be inclined to root for or against the Kansas City Chiefs? … “I was a feminazi-hating, liberal-bashing loudmouth who tried to befriend Bill O’Reilly” … “[M]an, the contempt US co’s have for [A]mericans” … “Sean Hannity apologized on the air tonight” … “[O]ne can make out the footprints the astronauts left” … “In the real world, Burton is employed at Rabobank in Palm Springs” … “That’s the sort of miracle we need to replicate” … “[T]he long journey into the outer Solar System should be a quiet one” … “It was the best time of my life and the worst time of my life” … “[O]f all the leaders in the industry that I’ve worked with, he showed more inspiration” … “ABC News’ Brian Ross has a breathtaking record of recklessly inaccurate, overhyped stories” … “At worst, the article is a propaganda tool” … “‘If Michael could push his way out of his grave past all that dirt, I know he’d say it’s a beautiful world,’ he declared before pulling handfuls of bouncing tiny balls out of his fanny pack” … “[W]hile some forms of horseshit are no longer a problem, others will always be with us” … “Clinton said the time seemed ripe for a peace deal with the MILF” … “Gorilla on the loose in the Mile High City” … “Our American militarists love war so much that they even bankroll the enemy” … “It is important that black people are interested in jazz” … “Some of those expenses include a staggering $15,211 bill at Frasca restaurant” … “I went against my free-market instincts” … And finally, “The state of affairs at the Washington Times, to put it mildly, is in disarray.” ∞

No Joke: Nota Bene for 9 November 2009

Mike Sheehan — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:44:09 +0000

Well I figured I’d give you all a break and spare you the wacky and profane puns and snark. I’m going to directly quote a single line or phrase from each of the links; the quote may have little or nothing to do with the subject. Enjoy! … “So I finally squeezed his bullocks a bit to get his recipe” … “Not a single white lawmaker is currently the subject of a full-scale ethics committee probe” … “He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening” … “He’s hardly the worst off” … “If the guy wants to fight he can be 4 ft. 2 and still fight a guy at 6 ft. 9” … “and whips, of course” … “I’ve had to spend all that time with an itchy face wearing a hat” … “He said that sooner or later the bosses are going to pay for this” … “It’s the greatest feeling in the world, making something your own come alive” … “the number of infections was dropping while penetrations by worms doubled” … “It’s definitely not your average lifestyle” … “The insurance companies are the problem, not the solution” … “the exact proportions of Lincoln’s head” … “rare proof of the sperm whale’s taste for giant squid” … “Is it true Def Leppard got you into golf?” … “I know what it means to feel ignored and forgotten and what it means to struggle” … “It was totally surreal” … “it is a bit of a shock to see them in the flesh, 30 years on” … “It was either mind-blowing or completely forgettable” … “no one was quite sure just how the paper actually got out” … “Thirty years back, Ivy Leaguers would never dream of entering the field” … “doing a lawnmower strip maybe isn’t the smartest thing we could do” … “You’re 42, now get the fuck out of the house!” … “we’re getting whiffs of the disaster it spells” … “Liquid mercury on the Moon?” … “Justice Clarence Thomas dissented” … “They might not be as physically tough or in shape but they sure are digitally savvy” … “I would have quit wrestling in a heartbeat to be a bass player for Metallica” … “We’re trying to come up with a reality show called ‘What’s Up, Holmes?’” … “That’s probably one of the reasons I don’t like New York!” … “Why is it that no one in today’s society will take responsibility for anything?” … “It was a surge of ideas” … “I quickly search in my inbox for a note” … “our madness is what rules the world” … “The impression I have of you is that you are simply a con artist” … “One by one they came forward, each with a piece of a dismembered flag to set within the flames” … “There is growing alarm within the Vatican and especially the Holy Father” … “walk carefully, because we’ll come after you” … “Obviously, it does not exist” … “it will be impossible to run a service like Flickr or YouTube or Blogger” … “I have not yet accomplished that one because I do not fully know what it means” … “we finally get to find out what might have happened if Satchel Paige had faced down Babe Ruth” … “viewers all across the great worldwide National Socialist Empire are going to be terrified by the upside-down world we’ve created” … “furry bottom feeders will be blown out of every crack and hole in sight and rain down like unsavory screeching meatballs” … “I have been crying for the past five months, but have, at last, come to terms with it” … “We’ve been writing songs and want to get back to ground zero and touch someone emotionally” … And finally, “Could former President George W. Bush’s turn be next?” ∞

Monkey Business: Nota Bene for 2 November 2009

Mike Sheehan — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 05:44:15 +0000

“One reads such links, and what can one say but—‘Nota Bene!’” … Doc Brown is readying a Mr. Fusion marketing plan this very moment … The domain name possibilities are endless: youare., everyoneis., tomcruisedefinitelyis., icanprovethatlittlebastardpatrickmchenryis., et cetera … “One thing any discerning comic reader could tell is that I had almost no experience with comic strips” … Arnie to legislator: FU (literally) … It’s been thirty-five years since the legendary Rumble in the Jungle, and George Foreman is finally at peace with Muhammad Ali … Check your stuff, folks: that macabre plastic model human skull you have sitting on your mantle might not be plastic at all! … Holy crap—if they would pay me to come every day, with or without a partner, we’d have a deal … Oh, those hosers are just miffed because their teams haven’t won a Stanley Cup in years … Great Moments in the History of White Trash … I bet all the headbangers that have enlisted over the years feel cheated now … Here’s a piece right here for you all: “the” … Richard Hoagland will soon be claiming there’s a Skank Ass on Mars … A 55-year-old tragic mystery is finally solved … Maybe Life, Sex & Death were right—school’s for fools … School’s also for dope dealers … Happy Birthday, Global Porn Archive! … Rock quote: “It’s not so much ‘Do you still want it?’ as much as a question of ‘How much more are you willing to take?’” … It was not really a mistake, and I hope it (or something similar) happens again and again … The best, and probably only, Cris Collinsworth rip ever … I’m sure they all have our best interests at heart (stifled giggle) … Of whom did George H.W. Bush allegedly say, “All the blockheads and dummies are for him.” Was it: A) Bill Clinton, B) Ross Perot, C) George W. Bush, D) Ronald Reagan. Well? … An utter masterpiece gets even more masterpiecey … Imagine running 3.5 miles in 22 minutes—while wearing a gorilla suit … Hm, I thought for sure they were gonna catch him in mid-wank … Sad ending for a noted journalist … You know, I’ve been wondering the same damned thing for some time. Especially after I read things like this … Hey Joe Childs and Thomas C. Tobin, keep up the great work … There’s crazy, and then there’s seriously fucking crazy … And finally, no wonder Dave Lister lived to be 181. ∞